ORIGINAL SINS

I wrote this article on Crazytown for my friend, and super talented writer, Kim Krizan, regarding her upcoming book, Original Sins.  For this article and others written by me on Crazytown, visit www.crazytownblog.com/author-bob-simpson.

 

ORIGINAL SINS

Acclaimed writer, Kim Krizan, and the Trade Secrets of the Femme Fatale.
By Bob Simpson (Writer)

Remember years ago when you met that really attractive girl?  You worked and pleaded and wooed her for months and, finally, after serenading her fourteen times in public with various tunes, including the theme song from "The Greatest American Hero," she agreed to go on a date with you?
Then, remember two months later, when you were tied to a rocking chair, drifting in and out of consciousness, with one of your kidneys sitting in a Igloo cooler just out of reach?  Despite the significant blood loss and possible high-grade concussion, you think to yourself, "That was totally worth it."
I thought so, too.
Fortunately, my friend, Kim Krizan, has written a book chronicling the lifestyles behind some of our favorite femme fatales, those irresistible dames, more dangerous than a martini laced with hydrochloric acid.

Kim is not only an expert on femme fatales, but also an Academy Award-nominated screenwriter, the writer of "Before Sunrise" and "Before Sunset," and, of course, the bad ass teacher from "Dazed and Confused."

 
That's right, she's the one that pats Don on the head.  Like a boss.
Kim is a hell of a writer, and has been a bit of a mentor for me (like Obi Wan Kenobi, except, you know, not ancient...or a dude).  Original Sins is being released independently, and Kim has launched a Kickstarter campaign to cover the costs of publishing on her own.  I encourage you, the faithful Crazytown audience, to check out her Kickstarter page and, if you are so inclined, chip in to help support an awesome artist.

IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME

CM Punk writes foreword for “Avengers vs. X-Men” hardcover collection, universe explodes.

Of all things nerd that thrive in modern society, professional wrestling and the comic book industry get the worst wrap.  Critics see them as outlets for children, as goofy, over-the-top creations meant to stimulate the eyes over the brain.  Both possess larger-than-life characters performing the impossible, with men generally bulked-up beyond human proportions, and women whose breasts are roughly the size of those inflatable emergency slides on airplanes.

                                                      That sword is the only thing keeping her from tipping over.

 And while this can be true, exceptions exist.

For comic books, one need only point toLocke & Key, Preacher, Rising Stars, Irredeemable, and Incorruptible as examples of comic books not only bucking that cheese-ball stereotype, but breaking the comic series mold and, to be frank, redefining literature.

For professional wrestling, there’s CM Punk, and then there’s everyone else.  Like those aforementioned series, CM Punk, in his lengthy career in the independent wrestling scene, and now as one of the top draws of the WWE, has taken that chiseled-marble statue of the professional wrestler and shoved it down a flight of stairs.

A combination of “Rowdy” Roddy Piper’s tenacity, Jake “The Snake” Roberts’ unpredictability, and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin’s malice towards authority, CM Punk has risen through the ranks of the WWE when the company has been at its most formulaic.  Abandoning the chaotic atmosphere of the Attitude Era of the late 90s and early 2000s, WWE has returned to the good guy vs. bad guy, muscle-bound behemoths that made men like Hulk Hogan and The Ultimate Warrior some of the biggest stars of the 1980s.

Brought to you by cocaine and HGH

Then there’s CM Punk.  He’s not a giant.  He’s not larger than life.  He’s you, and he’s me, and when you put him in the ring or, better yet, put a microphone in his hand, fireworks go off.

 

So when word reached me that CM Punk, a rabid comic book fan, would write the foreword to the collector’s edition of the fantastic Avengers vs. X-Men series, I was worried that life as we know it would cease to exist.  I mean, in one corner, you have an innovative and electrifying athlete, and in the other corner, a surprisingly touching and powerful comic series written by some of the best talent in the industry (like Brian Michael Bendis, Jason Aaron, and Ed Brubaker).

Thankfully, the universe has continued to exist, which, if nothing else, gives us the opportunity to read CM Punk’s foreword when it’s released on November 7^th.

PLEASE STOP STABBING MY CORPSE

Isaac Clarke is your run-of-the-mill space engineer (let’s pretend that “space engineer” is a real thing).  He wears neat safety suits, plays with power tools, and fixes stuff like power couplings, which is sci-fi speak for “glowing, vibrating crap.”  He makes a nice wage and, more importantly, gets to travel to all the corners of the solar system, fixing broken stuff and trying on new safety suits.

Sounds like a pretty nice life, eh?

Oh, I forgot to mention that he’s also constantly pursued by gruesome human-alien monsters called “morphs” that have no other goal than to vomit in his corpse, his girlfriend killed herself and now haunts him at every step, and the person most responsible for all this horror?  Isaac Clarke.

                                                                         I cut myself shaving...an alien's face off.

Such is the story as the critically-lauded video game, Dead Space 2, kicks off.  Your character, Isaac Clarke, is stuck in a straight jacket, fleeing for his life from abominations with very pointy limbs.  These factors, and many, many more, are what make Dead Space 2 the most frightening game ever created.  Just thought I’d let you know, as this is the Halloween season.

Still don’t believe me?  Well, here’s the opening scene from the game:

Huh.  Game hasn’t even started yet, and believe me, it only gets worse.  When you’re not shooting for your life, you’re walking down eerie, deserted halls, waiting and expecting for another monster to jump out at you.  Add on the number of hallucinations, since Clarke is pretty much ‘round the bend at this point, and you have a gaming experience that doesn’t let you come up for air.  Players actually find themselves thanking a higher power for cutscenes, the bane of many players’ existences, because they give you a break from being completely petrified.

The morphs, or bad guys, that you have to shred your way through in the game, are equally frightening, from the standard morph with pointy limbs, to the morph that vomits acid, to the raptor-like morphs that hide behind crates and wait for your back to be turned.

And for those of you that are thinking “well, I’ll just shoot them in the head…that’s how you beat the bad guys in every other game,” please do shut up.  You want to shoot a morph in the head?  Be my guest, but here’s a little surprise for you: that doesn’t work.  You shoot a morph in the head, and it doesn’t even flinch.  It comes straight at you, neck spewing, still hell-bent on evisceration.   No, in Dead Space 2, you have to shoot the morphs in their arms and/or legs to stop them, which avid fans of shooting games know, is pretty freaking hard to do.

Should you fail to dismember a morph, here are all the creative ways that it will kill you.  WARNING: this is extremely graphic.

And those aren’t even the most gruesome, which I think we can all agree goes to this death.  WARNING: makes previous video look like a PSA from Pat Boone.  Check out the video at about :57.

So, Dead Space 2 loves to kill you.  That’s pretty clear.

Despite the obvious frustration with having to shoot the appendages off your enemies, the tools Dead Space 2 gives you to do this are completely innovative.  First and foremost, there are few guns in the game.  Isaac is an engineer, not a soldier, so instead of wielding some clumsy machine gun like in virtually every other shooter, Isaac is equipped with a set of modified power tools to get the job done.  There’s the javelin gun, which shoots a sharp electrified rod, the line gun, which blasts out a horizontal line of searing energy to cut off your opponents’ legs, and the ripper, which is little more than a hovering circular saw, just to name a few.  There’s also an assault and sniper rifle, but come on, who wants to use those?

In other words, Isaac Clarke is MacGyver in space.

The action and suspense in Dead Space 2 are so intense, and the environment so frightening, that I can honestly say it is one of the few games where I’ve found myself standing up, right in front of the TV, without remembering how I got there.  

Gamers need not worry about a shortening supply of survival/horror games on the market.  Series like Silent Hill, Fear, and Resident Evil (except for maybe Resident Evil 6, which I hear plays less like a video game and more like a movie that thinks you don’t appreciate it enough), have all released heart-pounding, pants-wetting experiences.  However, I think that, based on the sheer pacing, gruesome deaths, and “you’re never safe” environment of Dead Space 2, this game takes the cake.